Reversal of pain

My mama always loved flowers
Lilies especially
So today I’m covering her grave
With lilies,
Her favourite.
She loved tying her hair in braid
And placing one single lily
On each of the five braids
She never told me what it meant to her
And mostly, I didn’t care enough to ask
That night the lily had turned crimson red
Like the blood ebbing out of her forehead
And cheekbones.
I don’t remember helping her
Like I don’t remember helping her the first time
Those drops had dripped down her face
And other body parts
Papa had been very angry then
And had hurled a knife at her
It had missed her eyes
But had instead landed on her lips
The same lips with which she had kissed me
On the day of my birth.
Mama says that papa had been angry at her
For not giving birth to a boy
So he had angrily shoved the bouquet of lilies
In her hands and slapped her
With the same palm
That had held hers
On the altar
And had vowed to never hurt her
To hold her hand through thick and thin
To love her in sickness and in health
To be by her side as her courage and strength
And to take her
As his wife.

My mama loved flowers
Especially lilies
So there were lilies high up in the sky
When papa had first proposed to her.
My mama loved drawing lilies
In her textbook too
So when the teacher had picked her out
To check if her vagina looked like one
She had drank back her spit and anger
And crushed all the lilies in her braid
And shoved them into her mouth
Hoping they’d clean her.
My mama loved flowers
Especially lilies
when she was born
Without a beating heart
they had thrown lilies on her
Symbolising the departure of her soul
But then had come a loud cry
And ever since
My mama loved flowers
Especially lilies
Because how else could she have survived
Had she not loved flowers
Especially lily, her ill- omened daughter.

One thought on “Reversal of pain

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑

Create your website at
Get started
%d bloggers like this: